Melanoma Miles

Meds and Milkshakes

Thursday - 28 February 2013

I've never really been a morning person but since the major op, starting treatment and obviouly cancer, mornings are starting even later and I feel very Garfield-ish. "I would like mornings better if they started later, like after noon."

Talked mainly about TV shows with my counsellor today. Sounds like an odd topic but it also makes sense in the grand scheme of my confused and battling mind. We touched on my frustrations with dad, issues with mom and my general spiral towards acting out brought on by mirtazapine. Apparently I'm very clued in to my own mental and physical state. Not sure if that's entirely a good thing.

Captive discussions

Wednesday - 27 February 2013

Battled to sleep last night - too hot, too sticky, too hot and bothered. Midnight texts with "hottie" didn't inspire much sleeping either. After I finally fell asleep, I slept through the siren test for Koeberg Power Station's emergency plan, which should have been loud enough to wake me.

The secretary of my shrink phoned to organise an appointment for me to see the stand-in shrink for a discussion of my meds. There were some crossed wires about weight and eating concerns. I juggled my counselling session earlier so I could go to the appointment and iron out the confusion of my meds.

Where does the time go?

Monday - 25 February 2013

Wow! Already 2 months since Xmas, time seems to be flying as much as it also appears to be standing still. I lost another morning to sleep. I have no real idea why this is happening. It could have something to do with me only getting to bed around midnight but that has never really been an issue before. Just more adjusting to a new lifestyle, I guess.

Chaotic Cuppa's

Sunday - 24 February 2013

I lost a lot of this week to sleep, mostly mornings as I seem to sleep better after 6am when I take my morning dose of treatment meds. This of course crashes with any morning plans, particularly when I need to get lifted around by my dad who is difficult to get moving as well.

Monday there was big drama trying to get my trial bloods done at my perferred Pathcare clinic. Lots of phone calls resulted in more chaos. Eventually we just drove through to Rondebosch Medical Center and had them done there.

Feelings, felines and family

Sunday - 17 February 2013

During this week, there were some awesome moments when the meds are give me that "the world feels wonderful must keep touching it" feeling. They also put me in a very loving happy place, sending virtual hugs to everyone. Does someone switch them out when I'm having a bad day? ;-)

I suppose it was just the Universe trying to lift my spirits a bit as Thursday was Valentines day and as usual nothing romantic happened. This is normally what happens as I'm always single around this time of year and it really is a couple-type "holiday".

Looking in Mirrors

Sunday - 10 February 2013

Random unrelated picture with a quote that just struck a cord with me recently.

Bicycle! I want to ride it where I like!

Friday - 08 February 2013

The other highlight of my week was that I finally bought my bicycle! A Titan 26" Calypso Sport! YAY!! Cue singing:

"Bicycle! bicycle! bicycle!
I want to ride my bicycle! bicycle! bicycle!
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like" - Queen

#RHCPCPT

Tuesday - 5 February 2013

Tonight I went to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert at the Cape Town Stadium. I'd bought four decent stand tickets when they went on sale and had nearly forgtten about it until I heard it mentioned it on the radio, what with everything else going on. Last minute scrambling around I invited @AJVenter and DanielB from work, and @AJVenter's wife (and my dear friend) @madgurl69.

Nearly stilnox'ed into tomorrow

Sunday - 3 February 2013

Well, the Stilnox worked. I would say like a dream but there was no dreaming and instead of the 8 hours uninterrupted sleep my shrink said this slow release version would give, I slept for over 12. I do remember taking my 06h00 treatment meds, my 08h00 other meds and getting up to feed the cat but beyond that, nothing. Even when I did wake, I was left with a fuzzy "skin and world feel so very touchable" feeling that lasted the rest of the day.

As expected no blogging took place, the website was not upgraded and nothing else productive happened either. Well, I lie. In bonding with my couch, I managed to add about 20 rows to the left front of the baby wrap I'm knitting so that must count towards a day not entirely wasted.

What this post needs is #moarcats

Saturday - 2 February 2012

My sleeping patterns are borked, so badly borked. I slept 'til nearly noon, losing half my Saturday again. I had intended to go to the first Writer's Guild meeting of the year but woke up way too late for that. I also haven't been doing much writing beyond blogging anyway. I need to fix that but my priority is getting this blog up to date first. At least this is still writing and some days, the good days, I manage over 2000 words of blog posts too.

Shreds of focus and a revolutionary thought

Friday - 1 February 2013

Short hot night for me. Not long after I'd finally drifted off in the combined heat of an overly warm night and an unwanted fever, the alarm rang waking me for my morning treatment pills. It rings at 06h00 and there are some nights/mornings when I wonder if I have reached that insomniacs threshold where it would actually better to continue to not sleep than it would be to actually fall asleep. Nevertheless, my sleeping patterns are falling more and even more out of whack with the heat, the meds, the side-effects and my own stubborn nature. I took the pills and this time fell straight back asleep.

Revamped me

Thursday - 31 January 2013

I woke late-ish this morning. Too much to do to risk any real attempt at clearing my sleep debt. I really wish this insomnia cycle would just bugger off and die in a corner some where.

We fetched another one of my CafePress deliveries from the Post Office while on route to get my hair done this afternoon.

Insomnia, awake till morning light

Wednesday - 30 January 2013

Seriously?! Nice new linen, aired comforter and everything smelling super great, and I have to run another fever. My body hates me!

After sleeping off another, thankfully midler fever, mom and I went to do the weekly shop. We were back at Pick n Pay Tableview as it is convienent, even if the fresh stuff isn't that great. A stop at Paddocks Spar and Woolies showed that we should be doing more shopping at Woolies for fresh food, even if we don't get our SmartShopper points there.

Outfits for hatchlings

Tuesday - 29 January 2013

Today I decided to focus on baby-things I can make for my friends. As I don't have kids but have a fair number of friends who do have kids, I put the question out on twitter "What do new 1st time moms actually need?" I know that they will get swamped with cute newborn outfits at their showers and as I was wanting to knit them baby sets, I needed to know how to size them.

Fevers and dragon fruit

Monday - 28 January 2013

Damn! Yesterday's scratchy throat morphed into 38C fever overnight. I self medicated and went back to sleep, only thinking of panicing the folks if it persisted more than a few hours or went up any further.

Three cheers for Tramacet! The fever broken and my temperature dropped back to a normal 36.5C. I was also feeling more human then with the scratchy throat almost gone.

In search of freshness

Sunday - 27 January 2013

I slept in a bit this morning as I had a scratchy throat and was hoping it would disappear. I can't afford to get sick right now.

Mom and I have been wanting to find a new decent place to get fresh fruit and vegetables as we currently very less than impressed with the quality at Pick n Pay Tableview. They were good but now are sadly lacking. Raspberries that are rotten before the next day when the best before date was 3 days away, and vegetables that just tasted like water. Not the quality we needed.

Haunted no more

Saturday - 26 January 2013

I battled to drag myself off Facebook this morning. I had things to do but somehow got stuck into WABing. I seriously needed to get on with adding content (read: blog posts) to my website and also get started on knitting the dragon-skin baby kimono I'd picked out as perfect for part of a baby set for my preggy friends.

I lost my phone at one point today. We've all seen the photos of cats sleeping on laptops. Well, mine was asleep on my phone. Small phone, big cat. Perhaps it was more like a warm water bottle for her than a heated bed. I don't know. And then of course, nothing quite says "thank you mom for the new cat litter" than frantic digging that results in a new layer of litter being deposited outside the box. Cats!

Emotional storm

Friday - 25 January 2013

Apparently I'm still too flat about this, not showing much if any emotion but then again this is me. Realistic, cynical me. The person going through the treatment that is slowly crushing her hope for a normal life. The light at the end of the tunnel has for now been confirmed as not a speeding train and for that I'm actually grateful, even if I don't show it much.

Numb to the good news.

Thursday - 24 January 2013

Lunchtime today we received the results of the CT Scan.

First from the trial doc who seemed happier with the results as figures for the study than for what they meant for me as the patient. "Blah. Blah. You're responding well. Better than many participants after this long on the trial." We ask again about having the tumour removed. She gets in a flap about how this could affect the trial, checks her notes and calming down, says that it wont be a problem. Yeah, her figures will still be good op or no op.

End of cycle 2 tests: patience, ECG and CT Scan

Wednesday - 23 January 2013

Today was a treatment test day. A big one two as it is the end of the 2nd cycle of treatment and we now get to see how much effect it has had. Or not had as we have been warned. I'm twitchy and grumpy, not looking forward to the barium "slushie" and CT Scan.