Meds and Milkshakes

Thursday - 28 February 2013

I've never really been a morning person but since the major op, starting treatment and obviouly cancer, mornings are starting even later and I feel very Garfield-ish. "I would like mornings better if they started later, like after noon."

Talked mainly about TV shows with my counsellor today. Sounds like an odd topic but it also makes sense in the grand scheme of my confused and battling mind. We touched on my frustrations with dad, issues with mom and my general spiral towards acting out brought on by mirtazapine. Apparently I'm very clued in to my own mental and physical state. Not sure if that's entirely a good thing.

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Captive discussions

Wednesday - 27 February 2013

Battled to sleep last night - too hot, too sticky, too hot and bothered. Midnight texts with "hottie" didn't inspire much sleeping either. After I finally fell asleep, I slept through the siren test for Koeberg Power Station's emergency plan, which should have been loud enough to wake me.

The secretary of my shrink phoned to organise an appointment for me to see the stand-in shrink for a discussion of my meds. There were some crossed wires about weight and eating concerns. I juggled my counselling session earlier so I could go to the appointment and iron out the confusion of my meds.

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Where does the time go?

Monday - 25 February 2013

Wow! Already 2 months since Xmas, time seems to be flying as much as it also appears to be standing still. I lost another morning to sleep. I have no real idea why this is happening. It could have something to do with me only getting to bed around midnight but that has never really been an issue before. Just more adjusting to a new lifestyle, I guess.

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Chaotic Cuppa's

Sunday - 24 February 2013

I lost a lot of this week to sleep, mostly mornings as I seem to sleep better after 6am when I take my morning dose of treatment meds. This of course crashes with any morning plans, particularly when I need to get lifted around by my dad who is difficult to get moving as well.

Monday there was big drama trying to get my trial bloods done at my perferred Pathcare clinic. Lots of phone calls resulted in more chaos. Eventually we just drove through to Rondebosch Medical Center and had them done there.

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Feelings, felines and family

Sunday - 17 February 2013

During this week, there were some awesome moments when the meds are give me that "the world feels wonderful must keep touching it" feeling. They also put me in a very loving happy place, sending virtual hugs to everyone. Does someone switch them out when I'm having a bad day? ;-)

I suppose it was just the Universe trying to lift my spirits a bit as Thursday was Valentines day and as usual nothing romantic happened. This is normally what happens as I'm always single around this time of year and it really is a couple-type "holiday".

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Looking in Mirrors

Sunday - 10 February 2013

Random unrelated picture with a quote that just struck a cord with me recently.

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Bicycle! I want to ride it where I like!

Friday - 08 February 2013

The other highlight of my week was that I finally bought my bicycle! A Titan 26" Calypso Sport! YAY!! Cue singing:

"Bicycle! bicycle! bicycle!
I want to ride my bicycle! bicycle! bicycle!
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like" - Queen

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Tuesday - 5 February 2013

Tonight I went to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert at the Cape Town Stadium. I'd bought four decent stand tickets when they went on sale and had nearly forgtten about it until I heard it mentioned it on the radio, what with everything else going on. Last minute scrambling around I invited @AJVenter and DanielB from work, and @AJVenter's wife (and my dear friend) @madgurl69.

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Nearly stilnox'ed into tomorrow

Sunday - 3 February 2013

Well, the Stilnox worked. I would say like a dream but there was no dreaming and instead of the 8 hours uninterrupted sleep my shrink said this slow release version would give, I slept for over 12. I do remember taking my 06h00 treatment meds, my 08h00 other meds and getting up to feed the cat but beyond that, nothing. Even when I did wake, I was left with a fuzzy "skin and world feel so very touchable" feeling that lasted the rest of the day.

As expected no blogging took place, the website was not upgraded and nothing else productive happened either. Well, I lie. In bonding with my couch, I managed to add about 20 rows to the left front of the baby wrap I'm knitting so that must count towards a day not entirely wasted.

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What this post needs is #moarcats

Saturday - 2 February 2012

My sleeping patterns are borked, so badly borked. I slept 'til nearly noon, losing half my Saturday again. I had intended to go to the first Writer's Guild meeting of the year but woke up way too late for that. I also haven't been doing much writing beyond blogging anyway. I need to fix that but my priority is getting this blog up to date first. At least this is still writing and some days, the good days, I manage over 2000 words of blog posts too.

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Shreds of focus and a revolutionary thought

Friday - 1 February 2013

Short hot night for me. Not long after I'd finally drifted off in the combined heat of an overly warm night and an unwanted fever, the alarm rang waking me for my morning treatment pills. It rings at 06h00 and there are some nights/mornings when I wonder if I have reached that insomniacs threshold where it would actually better to continue to not sleep than it would be to actually fall asleep. Nevertheless, my sleeping patterns are falling more and even more out of whack with the heat, the meds, the side-effects and my own stubborn nature. I took the pills and this time fell straight back asleep.

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Revamped me

Thursday - 31 January 2013

I woke late-ish this morning. Too much to do to risk any real attempt at clearing my sleep debt. I really wish this insomnia cycle would just bugger off and die in a corner some where.

We fetched another one of my CafePress deliveries from the Post Office while on route to get my hair done this afternoon.

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Insomnia, awake till morning light

Wednesday - 30 January 2013

Seriously?! Nice new linen, aired comforter and everything smelling super great, and I have to run another fever. My body hates me!

After sleeping off another, thankfully midler fever, mom and I went to do the weekly shop. We were back at Pick n Pay Tableview as it is convienent, even if the fresh stuff isn't that great. A stop at Paddocks Spar and Woolies showed that we should be doing more shopping at Woolies for fresh food, even if we don't get our SmartShopper points there.

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Outfits for hatchlings

Tuesday - 29 January 2013

Today I decided to focus on baby-things I can make for my friends. As I don't have kids but have a fair number of friends who do have kids, I put the question out on twitter "What do new 1st time moms actually need?" I know that they will get swamped with cute newborn outfits at their showers and as I was wanting to knit them baby sets, I needed to know how to size them.

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Fevers and dragon fruit

Monday - 28 January 2013

Damn! Yesterday's scratchy throat morphed into 38C fever overnight. I self medicated and went back to sleep, only thinking of panicing the folks if it persisted more than a few hours or went up any further.

Three cheers for Tramacet! The fever broken and my temperature dropped back to a normal 36.5C. I was also feeling more human then with the scratchy throat almost gone.

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In search of freshness

Sunday - 27 January 2013

I slept in a bit this morning as I had a scratchy throat and was hoping it would disappear. I can't afford to get sick right now.

Mom and I have been wanting to find a new decent place to get fresh fruit and vegetables as we currently very less than impressed with the quality at Pick n Pay Tableview. They were good but now are sadly lacking. Raspberries that are rotten before the next day when the best before date was 3 days away, and vegetables that just tasted like water. Not the quality we needed.

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Haunted no more

Saturday - 26 January 2013

I battled to drag myself off Facebook this morning. I had things to do but somehow got stuck into WABing. I seriously needed to get on with adding content (read: blog posts) to my website and also get started on knitting the dragon-skin baby kimono I'd picked out as perfect for part of a baby set for my preggy friends.

I lost my phone at one point today. We've all seen the photos of cats sleeping on laptops. Well, mine was asleep on my phone. Small phone, big cat. Perhaps it was more like a warm water bottle for her than a heated bed. I don't know. And then of course, nothing quite says "thank you mom for the new cat litter" than frantic digging that results in a new layer of litter being deposited outside the box. Cats!

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Emotional storm

Friday - 25 January 2013

Apparently I'm still too flat about this, not showing much if any emotion but then again this is me. Realistic, cynical me. The person going through the treatment that is slowly crushing her hope for a normal life. The light at the end of the tunnel has for now been confirmed as not a speeding train and for that I'm actually grateful, even if I don't show it much.

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Numb to the good news.

Thursday - 24 January 2013

Lunchtime today we received the results of the CT Scan.

First from the trial doc who seemed happier with the results as figures for the study than for what they meant for me as the patient. "Blah. Blah. You're responding well. Better than many participants after this long on the trial." We ask again about having the tumour removed. She gets in a flap about how this could affect the trial, checks her notes and calming down, says that it wont be a problem. Yeah, her figures will still be good op or no op.

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End of cycle 2 tests: patience, ECG and CT Scan

Wednesday - 23 January 2013

Today was a treatment test day. A big one two as it is the end of the 2nd cycle of treatment and we now get to see how much effect it has had. Or not had as we have been warned. I'm twitchy and grumpy, not looking forward to the barium "slushie" and CT Scan.

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Achievement Unlocked: Cat littered home

Tuesday - 22 January 2013

After picking some more cat litter out of my feet this morning, this time in my bedroom, I realised a peril of owning an indoor cat. There is cat litter in EVERY room of my 3-bedroom 1-bathroom flat. From kitchen to bathroom to the barely used spare room, darling TamTams has managed to spread the painful grit. I don't know how she has managed this feat and I don't think I want to know. I see fine cat litter in our future. Anything that is more like beach sand and less like gravel has got to be kinder on my feet and her paws too.

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Tripping on an ear-worm

Monday - 21 January 2013

This morning was spent watching The X-files and poking at my website. This site needs a software upgrade from Drupal v6 to v7 as most of the addons I use are no longer being updated. With this I will also need a new theme as a v7 version of Fusion Aquia Slate doesn't exist. I could try to upgrade it myself but that is a manual process and I just don't feel like it.

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Keep Calm and Knit On!

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Sunday - 20 January 2013
Another day of The X-Files, couch bonding and cat entertaining. This time mixed up with some knitting. I have a three friends currently preggers and due in July. Two so far are having girls, one is still hoping for a boy. Such begins my first round of knitting for babies. I just hope I get things finished in time for the debuts!

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Stock issues, stock non-issues and yarn stock

Saturday - 19 January 2013
Not much happened today. Mom and I went to Makro to buy cat food for the fussy furry hoard. We're battling to find decent boxes of their normal favourite, Friskies jellys, as most shops appear to be running low on stock. Is the supplier having issues? TamTams pretty much refuses most of the other brands of food so I hope we find some soon. 

Consistency is key to prevent confusion!

Friday - 18 January 2013
I'd been liaising with work on the disability claim they wanted to apply for. Turns out the Discovery Group Life plan will definitely offer some benefit, if granted, as they cover the initial period of diagnosis and treatment as a short term incapacity to perform duties. Getting this granted though requires a stack of forms and the collecting of a whole bunch of other paperwork.I was getting very confused, as was our HR chic, so a meeting was called with the company broker and the Discovery broker. 
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Have another slice of birthday cake, Dad.

Thursday - 17 January 2013

An early start and a slightly less sticky morning saw me standing gritty-eyed in the kitchen still trying to get the icing to reach a pipe-able consistency. Butter icing does definitely require cooler temperatures than Cape Town is capable in this heat wave. Eventually, I added milk and got the consistency just good enough, even though the blue colouring was splitting out, and piped the cupcakes as best as I could. Sprinkles and edible glitter hide a multitude of baking sins and were definitely great tools in my arsenal today.

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New wheels for mom!

Wednesday - 16 January 2013

This morning started with discussions on Twitter about IUDs and online dating - not together or with the same people mind you, although that would also be an interesting conversation. I have an IUD, the Mirena, and I swear by it. My doctors are also very happy that I have one right now, it makes one less pill to worry about taking.

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Back on track

Tuesday - 15 January 2013

After a lazy morning on the couch watching The X-Files, I drove us through to Rondebosch Medical Centre to see my oncologist, Dr Maurel. He had asked us to come see him last week in the midst of the fever drama. He did more than Tina did, actually checking me out, giving me the physical and vitals once over before we even spoke about what had happened the last week.

I told him about the fever, sometimes fighting over mom to get the details out. Mom's still very worried about the situation. He explained to us that at times treatment does need to be stopped to allow the side-effects to ease off but that this in no way negatively impacts how it's killing the tumour.

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TamTams and Terri

Friday - 11 January 2012

Lying in bed this morning with TamTams was amusing. She was obviously very playful while I wouldn't say know to a few more minutes sleep. When asked, "Where is your lion?" She responded by pouncing to where my hands was, clearing indicating her choice of toy this morning and complete lack of interest in the toy lion I keep on the bed to entertain her.

Night fever, here we go again!

Saturday - 10 January 2013
The fever broke and woke me up before my more morning treatment dose. I dozed until then before falling back to sleep properly. Thankfully! It doesn't happen often enough. Sitting on the couch typing up blog posts and facebooking, I turn my head too fast and the world spins and tilts. Woah! Cure for this "other worldly" feeling: chocolate mousse pudding and Castle on the couch.

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Fever recovery day

Wednesday - 9 January 2013

Today started better than yesterday. I woke without a fever and only tender joints but still felt very washed out after yesterday's fever.

Woo! That's odd. I'm sitting on the couch typing up blogs and then suddenly I'm all dizzy and space-out like I stood up too fast but I'm still seated. My fingers feel funny too, funny-good. Weird.

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Feverish family

Tuesday - 8 January 2013

I was still feverish this morning, perhaps even worse so as I'm also nauseus too. When mom came in I was huddled on the couch, fully bundled up but actually sweating too. She panicked and hauled me down to GVI Oncology to see the trial doc. I felt too steamrolled to protest much.

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Sun soakin bulges in the shade

Monday - 7 January 2013

I woke up with this tune running in my head this morning: "Peaches come in a can / They were put there by a man." Earworm of note and had me humming the whole day.

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Talk to me! I do still care.

Sunday - 6 January 2013

I posted this on Facebook today: Your big problems may seem trivial compared to mine but I do still care and want to support you through them. Talk to me!

One cousin responded: "Sjoe takes one awesome person to be able to do this and yes you are one amazing person." Other friends responded with similar statements of bravery, courage, and such like. No one though came forward with the issues I know they are dealing with and would normally talk to me about.

Therein lies the rub.

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Freedom from pain and a visit

Saturday - 5 January 2013

Wrist is still seriously sore but mom is busy with Stacey who's having issues with her eldest. He doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life, wants to take a year off, maybe work, maybe not. He barely passed 1st year last year and it was only a BA. He fancies himself to be a writer or a journo but he doesn't write anything, not a blog or even letters to the local paper. How can you be writer if you don't write?

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Grinding pain

Friday - 4 January 2013

I woke up with a sore wrist. I think I slept on it or something. My left wrist is so sore I can't turn my hand over - palm up to palm down. It feels like something is grinding in there too. Inflamed joints really suck, especially when I was hoping to blog like a demon today. The end of the backlog is beginning to feel an awful lot like the horizon - an imaginary line that recedes as you approach it.

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Writing and ranting

Thursday - 3 January 2013

Blogging and Facebooking - that's all I managed today. Not too badly though as I did manage to put up 3 blog posts and sort out the planning and timelines for 10 more. It is doing the "research" for the blog planning where I get side-tracked into time-sinks like Facebook. The "oh look a squirrel"-foo is strong with me, a little too strong these days.

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Shopping and mocktails

Wednesday - 2 January 2013

This morning mom took me shopping for more UV protective clothing. I need more than just 1 shirt and a set of sleeves. We headed to Canal Walk and bought 2 more shirts from the Cape Union Mart Pod before heading inside. The Cape Union Mart staff inside the mall have almost no idea about what stock they have or what the stock can do. I managed to buy 2 shirts there but have eneded up with a duplicate of the oversized shirt I already had. We headed on to Due South who stock both the K-Way and Columbia brands, where Cape Union Mart only stock K-Way. I bought 1 white shirt there but it's so thin, I'll have to wear something underneath it.

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Quiet but productive start

Tuesday - 1 January 2013

Despite the achy effects of too little sleep, I decided to continue with my plan for today: emptying my wardrobe of clothes simply being stored and not actually worn. I have t-shirts I will never wear, pants that are too small and even items that still have price tags on them. Time for all that cruft to be re-homed elsewhere. Into my friends wardrobes it would seem as they happily went through what I was tossing and taking what they wanted of what fitted.

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